7 Rabbits

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Arivukanru: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Arivukanru: Seven!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Arivukanru: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Arivukanru: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Arivukanru: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Why late?

TEACHER: Why are you late?
Arivukanru: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Arivukanru: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Arivukandru as Entomologist..!!!

Teacher: What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?


Arivukandru: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

Arivukandru Matrimony

Arivukandru inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
.
. 
.
.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

Proud man

Arivukanru : I am a proud man, my son is in medical college.

Kutty : Really, what is he studying.

Arivukanru : No, he is not studying. They are studying him.

suicide method

Arivukanru went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.

“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Arivukanru replied.

The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”

“No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.“

Hidden camera

Wife caught her husband Arivukanru searching high and low all around his living room.

Wife : “What are you searching for?”

Arivukanru : “Hidden camera!”

Wife : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?”

Arivukanru : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

Leaking

Once Arivukanru professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

lucky stick

Arivukanru tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the match box, but it didn’t light.

He tried another, It didn’t light too. The third one finally lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.

“What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?” asked the another man.

Arivukanru replied, “That’s a lucky match stick. I’ll use it again.”

Divorce

Arivukanru & his wife filed an application for divorce.

Judge asked : How will you divide, you have 3 children?

Arivukanru replied : Ok! We’ll apply next year.

7 ways to catch a lion

1. Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion .

2. Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also
run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

3. Schrodinger Method:

At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait!

4. Inverse Transformation Method:

We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it.Perform an inverse transformation with
respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.

5. Thermodynamic Procedure:

We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows every thing to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.

6. Integration Differention Method:

Integrate the forest over the entire area.The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.

7. Arivukanru’s Method:

DON’T EVEN TRY. YOU’LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.

liftman

Take me to the 10th floor,’ said Arivukanru as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding.

When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, ‘The 10th floor, son.’

‘Why did you call me son?’ demanded Arivukanru. ‘I am not your son.’

I called you son because I brought you up,’ replied the liftman.

bird dropped

Arivukanru was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it was directly over him.

Arivukanru says, “Good thing that cows don’t fly.”

One hand

Once Arivukanru was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so.

He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Repair shop

Arivukanru wanted to open an auto repair shop.

He bought the best car servicing equipment and soon inaugurated the repair shop.

He waited eagerly on the inaugural day; but no customer arrived. A couple of days passed, there were no cars that came in for repairs.

A week, then a month went by, there were no cars.

After all, how could cars come in, Arivukanru had put up his garage on the second floor.

grown up daughter

kutty had to be admitted to hospital and was surprised to see Arivukanru on the bed next to him. Arivukanru explained what happened to him.

He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn’t find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied, “I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can’t allow you to stay.”

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied,”I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can’t allow you to stay.”

He went to the next house and asked,” Do you have “grown up” Daughters?”.

The Owner asked,”WHY?????????”

Arivukanru replied,”I wanted to stay here for a night…”

Arivukanru as judge

Judge (Arivukanru): You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window.

Man: I did it without thinking, your Honor.

Judge: Thats no excuse! Don’t you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing by at the time?

3 friends

Once a time three friends, one muslim, one hindu and one Arivukanru was on the journey. They planned to stay in some village. They went to a house of a farmer and request him to let them spend a night at his house.

The farmer said, “I have only two rooms in my house in one room me and my family sleep and in other room I kept my bull. If you people can manage in that room I will not mind. But I think there is so severe smell from bull that you can not spend a night in that room.”

As those friends don’t have any other way to spend the night so they request to let them try. The farmer agreed and show them the room.

First muslim entered the room but at next moment he came out puting his hand on his nose, as there was very bad smell in room.

Than the hindu entered the room but after few minutes he also came out puting his hand on nose.

Now was the turn of Arivukanru. He entered the room but Arivukanru did not come out but all was surprised to see that after few minutes bull came out from room shaking his head.

lottery

Arivukanru buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Arivukanru says, “I want my 20 crore.”

The man replied, “No, Sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you one crore today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 days.”

Sardar said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”

Again, the man explained that he would only get one crore that day and the rest during the next 19 days.

Sardar furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! if you’re not going to give me my 20 crore right now, then I want my 1 rupee back!”

yes/no

Arivukanru reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for heads and no for tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on?

Arivukanru replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”

30,000 kms

Arivukanru wants to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms.

Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off.

The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly. Arivukanru liked the idea.

A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car.
Arivukanru replied, Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!

zebra

A donkey kicked Arivukanru and run away.
Arivukanru run after donkey and found zebra.
Now Arivukanru told " why are you hiding in track suite."

Trichy

Arivukanru and kutty are waiting at a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door.

kutty leans inside and asks the driver, “Will this bus take me to Trichy?”

The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m Sorry.”

At this Arivukanru leans inside, smiles and twitters, “Will it take ME,plzzz?”

Rocks

Arivukanru is driving down a road and sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”

A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.

When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.

“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “
“Now where is my watch?”.

seven

Teacher to Arivukanru: What is Number “Seven” , Even or Odd?
Arivukanru: Even
Teacher: How can you make seven even?
Arivukanru:Remove the ‘S’!!

preacher

Once Arivukanru was coming out of church, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed Arivukanru's hand and pulled him aside.

Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Arivukanru said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."

worms

Arivukanru kutty was in science class. the professor was conducting an experiment to show the dangers of liquor. he had one glass of water and one glass of wine. so the professor starts the experiment and he sticks one worm in the water.. and its floating and looks happy. he sticks the other worm in the wine and it looks like it is struggling to breathe and then it sinks to the bottom and it is dead. so the professor asks" what was this suppose to teach you children" no one raises their hand to answer but our Arivukanru kutty raises his hand and says "drink liquor and you wont get worms"

started

Arivukanru comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, Arivukanru says, "Get me another beer before it starts."
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
Arivukanru finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."
The wife is furious.
She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..."
Arivukanru sighs and says, "It's started ..."

Engineering

Arivukanru kutty joined in Engineering:
He fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

Orbit

Once a scientist questioned Arivukanru....

"Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?"

Arivukanru replied "He got stuck in Orbit!"

mercury

Arivukanru: I was at a party on Mercury last night.

Friend: Was it any good?

Arivukanru: No! It was really boring.

Friend: How come?

Arivukanru: There was no atmosphere.

---

first husband

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to Arivukanru kneeling at a grave.
Arivukanru seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner Arivukanru took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

3 sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly father (Arivukanru). The first said, "I built a big house for our father." The second said, "I sent him a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how dad enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know he can't see very well. So I sent him a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Daddy just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Arivukanru sent out his letters of thanks: "Jack," he wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"John," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," he wrote to his third son, "You have the good sense to know what your father likes. The chicken was delicious."

time

Whenever Arivukanru looks a teen girl, he'll fell with love...
Arivukanru also likes it....
Question:
Why does Arivukanru like "love at first sight"?
It saves him lot of time.

name

A man was invited for dinner at his friend's (Arivukanru) house.
Every time the host Arivukanru needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
His friend looked at Arivukanru and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."
The host Arivukanru said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

Siutcases

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband Arivukanru pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
Arivukanru responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

village inn

On a pleasant Sunday afternoon Arivukanru and his youngest son kutty were seated in the village inn. The father had partaken liberally of the home-brewed beer, and was warning his son against the evils of intemperance. "Never drink too much, my son. A gentleman stops when he has enough. To be drunk is a disgrace."

"Yes, Father, but how can I tell when I have enough or am drunk?"

Arivukanru pointed with his finger. "Do you see those two men sitting in the corner? If you see four men there, you would be drunk."

Kutty looked long and earnestly. "Yes, Father, but—but—there is only one man in that corner.

Terrace!!!

Once Arivukanru called a guy to dig well in his house.
The Guy check all over the house & told Arivukanru "in your ground there is no water resource so I cannot dig a well" .
Arivukanru replied "No problem if it is not in my ground it should be in the terrace".

Electric car

Arivukanru invented a car that can run in electricity with out the need for gas (petrol).
He started bragging to everybody that his car can run up to 1000 meters in electricity.
Arivukanru friend asked him why the car can’t go further.
Arivukanru replied "Where can I find that much lengthy wire to plug in at home & take the car anywhere I want to?"

Boat

Once Arivukanru went for an interview in the Navy.
Interviewer: Do you know how to swim?
Arivukanru: Why, don't you have boats in the Navy?

Mother tongue

One day Arivukanru's little son was filling up an application and asked Arivukanru what to write in the "Mother Tongue:" field.
Arivukanru simply said 'write approximately 6cm'

letter

Arivukanru wrote letter to his friend it goes like this:
Dear friend I am in well I hope you are also in well ..........

747

Arivukanru going to airport with his friend for the first time...

Arivukanru : What is that flight, taking off?
Friend: Goeing 747

The next day he went with his another friend and saw the same flight landing... then says to his friend....

"I know the name of the flight... 'coming' 747!"

oh.....

Englishman and Arivukanru in a toilet

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Arivukanru: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Medical terms

For your kind perusal.

Arivukanru applied to a Medical School

- Needless to say he never made it -

Because these are the answers he gave for medical terms.

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of fine paintings

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Benign - what you be after you be eight

Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u

Caesarian Section - a district in Rome

Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing

Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

False Labor - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Groin - to mash to a pulp / smile

Hernia - she is close by

Hymen - greeting to several males

Impotent - distinguished / well-known

Labor Pain - hurt at work

Lactose - people without feet

Lymph - walk unsteadily

Menopause - I no wait

Microbes - small dressing gowns

Obesity - City of Obe

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

Protein - in favor of teens

Pulse - grain

Pus - small cat

Red Blood Count - Dracula

Rupture - Ecstasy

Secretion - hiding anything

Subcutaneous - not cute enough

Suture - Gujrati for "what do you want"

Tablet - small table

Tumor - extra pair

Ultrasound - radical noise

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - very close

Vas Deferens - extremely different

Vein - at what time?

Vitreous Humor - both witty & funny

Smile

Photographer ( Arivukanru) is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"
........................................................................................................................................

After returning back from a foreign trip, Arivukanru asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Arivukanru: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

Salary

Arivukanru is filling up a job application...........................
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected.....................
After much thought he writes: Yes.............................

IN A DRUG STORE

Arivukanru: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Arivukanru: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

Mom dead

Arivukanru: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Arivukanru cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Arivukanru: my sister just called, her mom died too!

IN GRADE SCHOOL

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Arivukanru: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Arivukanru: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

BRAIN TUMOR

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Arivukanru: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Arivukanru: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Arivukanru: Because that proves that I have a brain!

Sunday

This case happened in a hospital’s Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves
what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil……..
Just when the Clock struck 11…

And then……

then…..

then……..

Arivukanru, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Another chance

The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

A Arivukanru works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, “Eighteen!” Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 Arivukanru's start cheering, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance.”

So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened – the Arivukanru starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance– What is 2 plus 2?”

The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 Arivukanru jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…

“Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

New plans

In light of all the recent news surrounding airline bankruptcies and mergers, you might want to heed these warning signs… issued by our arivukanru

10. They hedged their fuel by buying Rs.5000 in Kutty’s Club Fuel Cards.

9. The new sign in the terminal reads “BYOB” Bring Your Own Blankets.

8. The Flight Attendant asks if she can borrow your iPod touch to plug in to the video unit so they can have an in flight movie.

7. You look into the cockpit and noticed that the pilots are those blow up dummies from the movie “Airplane”.

6. There are Google Ads running on the back of all the seats.

5. Last 5 People Off the Plane Have to Clean Up.

4. In order to pay for extra fuel the dreaded Rs1ooo for every dollars you’re over 200 dollars” tax has been added to all tickets

3. All flights now will offer in air casinos.

2. The stock’s price on the screen says “Close to Zero”.

1. Good News… free drinks. Bad News…… Rs50 for toilets!

science paper

arivukanru 1: “How’s your science paper coming?”

arivukanru 2: “Well, my science professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.

arivuknaru 1: “Really?”

arivuknaru 2: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”

window seat

Arivukanru going to Chennai from Delhi by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.

But as soon as the Arivukanru got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.

After some time the old lady came and requested the Arivukanru to leave the side seat.

But the Arivukanru told, “I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”.

The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess requested the Arivukanru to leave that seat but he not leave.

Then the air hostess went and told the asst. captain. He also came and requested, but in vain.

Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Arivukanru and the arivukanru immediately left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.

Astonished, the air hostess and the asst. captain asked the captain afterwards what he told to the Arivukanru?

Captain told, “nothing… I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chennai and all others will go to Mumbai.”

kutty

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Arivukanru stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “kutty, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Kutty looked up and replied, “Well, Mrs. Arivukanru, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

difference

do want to know difference between arivukanru and arivukanru kutty...
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Talking clock

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk arivukanru led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

“What’s that brass gong for?” asked the friend.

“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the drunk arivukanru replied.

“A talking clock? How’s it work?”

“Watch this,” said the drunk arivukanru. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: “Hey, you jerk. It’s 3:00 in the morning!”

stop

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver’s window, and asked arivukanru if he knew why he was pulled over. “No,” the man replied.

“You failed to stop at the stop sign,” the cop explained.

“But I did slow down!” arivukanru argued. The cop shook his head. “You are required to stop. That’s why they’re called stop signs.”

arivukanru started to get belligerent. “Stop, slow down – what’s the difference?”

The cop pulled out his baton. “I can show you. I’m going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down.”

dark

Arivukanru kutty : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Arivukanru kutty: Your name on this report card.

Football

Arivukanru: In my dreams rats play football every night
Doctor: Take this tablet you will be ok.
Arivukanru: Can I take tomorrow? Tonight is final match.
..................................................................................................................................

Teacher: Why are you late, Arivukanru?
Arivunaru: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

funny man

Arivukanru always study in front of a mirror because of 3 reasons:

1. It helps saving revision time.
2. He can keep a watch on himself.
3. He likes combined studies.

..............................................................................................................................................................

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Arivukanru: Any great man born in this village?

Arivukanru: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Arivukandru as maths student.!!

Teacher:
Wat is half of 8?
Arivukandru:
If we cut it vertically, we get 3;
And if we cut it horizontally, we get 0.

Propeller

Professor: "What's the purpose of the propeller in an aeroplane?"

Arivukandru: "To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!!

Got struck...

Colleague : Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. Because of a power failure.

Arivukanru: That’s alright, me too… I got stuck on the escalator for 3Hrs.

How big

Trying to explain to a five-year-old arivukanru how much computers had changed, a father pointed to the brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.

Wide-eyed, arivukanru asked, “How big was the mouse?”

Every where Arivukanru

Railway accident:

Once Arivukanru was asked in an interview “Did you ever meet any Railway accident?



Arivukanru replied: “Yes, once the train was going through a long tunnel I have kissed the father instead of his daughter.”
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Never

Girl: Do you love me?

Arivukanru: Yes Dear!

Girl: Would you die for me ?

Arivukanru: No, mine is Undying Love!

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100 Rupees

Master to Arivukanru: “What will you do with a 100 Rs. lying on the floor? Will you keep it?”

Arivukanru: “No , Of course not.”

Master: Then what will you do with it?

Arivukanru: “I will spend it.”

Ten paise

Arivukanru kutty to his mother “The people next door must be poor.”

Mother said, “Why do you say that?”


Arivukanru kutty replied, “Because they made such a fuss when the baby swallowed a ten paise coin.”

Arivukanru application

Hotel Management gave advertisement for a good cook to recruit.
Arivukanru has sent one application as follows :

“Dear Sir, I am a good cooker. If you appoint me, I am sure I will be able to cook you. When I was working earlier in a hotel I cooked them all.”

Intelligence!!

Arivukandru and his frnd were digging a well on a very hot day. Then the frnd asked, “Why are we down in this hole digging when our boss is up there in the shade of a tree?” “I don’t know,” replied arivukandru, “I’ll go ask him.”

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. “Why are we digging in the hot sun and you’re standing in the shade?” “Intelligence,” the boss said. “What’s intelligence?” he asked.

The boss said, “I’ll show you. I’ll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.” Arivukandru took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss’ hand. The boss removed his hand and he hit the tree. The boss said, “That’s intelligence!!”

He went back to his hole. His friend asked, “What’d he say?” “Arivukandru said," we are down here because of intelligence.” “What’s intelligence?” his friend asked. Arivukandru put his hand on his face and said, “Take your shovel and hit my hand.”

Arivukandru as chicken farm owner

Arivukandru decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens...

A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.

Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens...

"I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,

"I think I'm planting them too deep."

Arivukanru dismissed

Arivukanru dismissed from the school because arivukanru is sleeping in the class...
so arivukanru is arguing with the teacher....

Arivukanru -: For Sleeping you are dismissing me aren’t you ? Then
Dismiss you too. Last week u slept in school while we have
Football event??? Why didn’t u pay attention on it. Rules is
Rules for all ok! Got it??? Anyway I am waiting for next
Years school festival. To make you understand how
Humiliating to you when u count the seconds of duration of
Our Principal’s speech. I saw there also you are sleeping.

Big trouble

Once upon a time, the six peoples were traveling in a private plane and that six persons were bollywood king sharukh khan, congress president sonia gandhi, railway minister lalu yadav, arivukanru kutty ( studying in school), one old man and a pilot.

Suddenly the problem starts in a plane so pilot told everybody to get out but the problem was there were only 5 parachutes but the people were six.

So first our bollywood king sharukh has jumped from the plane by saying, “Bollywood needs me.”

Next our sonia by saying, “Congress need me.”

Then our respected laluji by saying, “Hamari railway ko meri bahut jarurat hain bhai.”

Then pilot, old man and arivukanru kutty remained in the plane but the problem was there was only one parachute but 2 peoples to jump so the old man told kutty, “you jump bcoz I have spent my whole life but you have your future ahead so I will sacrifice for you.”

Suddenly that arivukanru kutty laugh and says we both can jump then old man said how so. he told him our honourable laluji has jumped taking my school bag.

Arivukanru in airport

Once Arivukanru was coming out of airport.

As there was huge rush the security guard told Arivukanru “WAIT SIR“…

For which Arivukanru replied “65Kgs” and moved on…

In Bazaar

Once Arivukanru wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.

His friend told the Arivukanru that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Arivukanru went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Arivukanru asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which arivukanru told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which arivukanru bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the arivukanru the stereo free of cost. Our arivukanru whether he will give two.

Arivukanru register marriage

Arivukanru shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....

Arivukanru Salary

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Arivukanru: U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?

SMS Jokes on Arivukanru

Arivukanru: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Arivukanru: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

SMS Jokes on arivukanru

Arivukanru: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Arivukanru: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

Arivukanru learning tenses

Once the teacher was teaching tenses.

Arivukanru : Miss, what will be the present tense of samsung?

Teacher: I don’t know.

Arivukanru: That’s very simple… If Samsung is past then Samsing will be the present.

Arivukanru Exam student

Arivukanru is sitting his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his belt and throws it away as well. His shirt, pants, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

'Oye, I am only following the instructions,' Arivukanru replies, 'it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."'

Arivukanru on society

· Two Arivukanru’s were fixing a bomb in a car.
Arivukanru 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Arivukanru 2: Don’t worry, I have one more.

· Arivukanru: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but it starts with 'T'.
Arivukanru: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

· Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!!
Arivukanru: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

· At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Arivukanru: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head… Is he crying?

· Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Arivukanru: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Arivukanru: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

· Arivukanru to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining!
Arivukanru: So what? Take an umbrella and go!

How to find arivukanru

How Can You Be Sure Someone Is Arivukanru?

• Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• Tries to drown a fish in water.
• Trips over a cordless phone.
• Thinks socialism means partying.
• Studies for a blood test and fails.
• Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• Puts lipstick on his forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application form where it says: "Sign Here", he puts 'Scorpio'.
• Sells the car for gas money.
• Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
• Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Legal and not logical

Legal and not logical

After having failed his exam in Logistics and Organization, Arivukanru goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Arivukanru, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Arivuknaru, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an ‘A’ for the exam.”

Professor, “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Arivukanru: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an ‘A’, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student ( Arivukanru kutty) and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an ‘A’, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

Java Interview attended by our Arivukanru

Here is a interview given by our Arivukanru for the job in java office…

Interviewer: What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
Arivukanru: Terms are different … nothing more

Interviewer: What is JFC ?
Arivukanru: Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Interviewer: Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
Arivukanru: Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will
have 3 tyres.

Interviewer: I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which
methodology will follow?
Arivukanru: Send it through courier.

Interviewer: Can I modify an object in CORBA?
Arivukanru: As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Interviewer: How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
Arivukanru: Sorry, Non living things can’t communicate.

Interviewer: Explain RMI Architecture?
Arivukanru: I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Interviewer: What is the use of Servlets ?
Arivukanru: In hotels, they can replace servers.

Interviewer: What is the difference between Process and Threads?
Arivukanru: Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for
process.

Interviewer: What is JAR file ?
Arivukanru: File that can be kept inside a jar.

Interviewer: What is JINI?
Arivukanru: A ghost which was Aladdin’s friend.

Interviewer: How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
Arivukanru: I will give invitation.

Interviewer: What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
Arivukanru: A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Interviewer: Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
Arivukanru: When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.