7 Rabbits

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Arivukanru: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Arivukanru: Seven!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Arivukanru: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Arivukanru: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Arivukanru: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Why late?

TEACHER: Why are you late?
Arivukanru: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Arivukanru: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Arivukandru as Entomologist..!!!

Teacher: What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?


Arivukandru: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.

Arivukandru Matrimony

Arivukandru inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
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. 
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Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

Proud man

Arivukanru : I am a proud man, my son is in medical college.

Kutty : Really, what is he studying.

Arivukanru : No, he is not studying. They are studying him.

suicide method

Arivukanru went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.

“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Arivukanru replied.

The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”

“No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.“

Hidden camera

Wife caught her husband Arivukanru searching high and low all around his living room.

Wife : “What are you searching for?”

Arivukanru : “Hidden camera!”

Wife : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?”

Arivukanru : “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

Leaking

Once Arivukanru professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

lucky stick

Arivukanru tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the match box, but it didn’t light.

He tried another, It didn’t light too. The third one finally lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.

“What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?” asked the another man.

Arivukanru replied, “That’s a lucky match stick. I’ll use it again.”

Divorce

Arivukanru & his wife filed an application for divorce.

Judge asked : How will you divide, you have 3 children?

Arivukanru replied : Ok! We’ll apply next year.

7 ways to catch a lion

1. Newton’s Method:

Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion .

2. Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also
run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

3. Schrodinger Method:

At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait!

4. Inverse Transformation Method:

We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it.Perform an inverse transformation with
respect to lion. Lion is in and we are out.

5. Thermodynamic Procedure:

We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows every thing to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with it.

6. Integration Differention Method:

Integrate the forest over the entire area.The lion is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.

7. Arivukanru’s Method:

DON’T EVEN TRY. YOU’LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.

liftman

Take me to the 10th floor,’ said Arivukanru as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding.

When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, ‘The 10th floor, son.’

‘Why did you call me son?’ demanded Arivukanru. ‘I am not your son.’

I called you son because I brought you up,’ replied the liftman.

bird dropped

Arivukanru was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it was directly over him.

Arivukanru says, “Good thing that cows don’t fly.”

One hand

Once Arivukanru was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so.

He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Repair shop

Arivukanru wanted to open an auto repair shop.

He bought the best car servicing equipment and soon inaugurated the repair shop.

He waited eagerly on the inaugural day; but no customer arrived. A couple of days passed, there were no cars that came in for repairs.

A week, then a month went by, there were no cars.

After all, how could cars come in, Arivukanru had put up his garage on the second floor.

grown up daughter

kutty had to be admitted to hospital and was surprised to see Arivukanru on the bed next to him. Arivukanru explained what happened to him.

He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn’t find any hotel.

So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied, “I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can’t allow you to stay.”

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied,”I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can’t allow you to stay.”

He went to the next house and asked,” Do you have “grown up” Daughters?”.

The Owner asked,”WHY?????????”

Arivukanru replied,”I wanted to stay here for a night…”

Arivukanru as judge

Judge (Arivukanru): You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window.

Man: I did it without thinking, your Honor.

Judge: Thats no excuse! Don’t you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing by at the time?

3 friends

Once a time three friends, one muslim, one hindu and one Arivukanru was on the journey. They planned to stay in some village. They went to a house of a farmer and request him to let them spend a night at his house.

The farmer said, “I have only two rooms in my house in one room me and my family sleep and in other room I kept my bull. If you people can manage in that room I will not mind. But I think there is so severe smell from bull that you can not spend a night in that room.”

As those friends don’t have any other way to spend the night so they request to let them try. The farmer agreed and show them the room.

First muslim entered the room but at next moment he came out puting his hand on his nose, as there was very bad smell in room.

Than the hindu entered the room but after few minutes he also came out puting his hand on nose.

Now was the turn of Arivukanru. He entered the room but Arivukanru did not come out but all was surprised to see that after few minutes bull came out from room shaking his head.

lottery

Arivukanru buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Arivukanru says, “I want my 20 crore.”

The man replied, “No, Sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you one crore today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 days.”

Sardar said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”

Again, the man explained that he would only get one crore that day and the rest during the next 19 days.

Sardar furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! if you’re not going to give me my 20 crore right now, then I want my 1 rupee back!”

yes/no

Arivukanru reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for heads and no for tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on?

Arivukanru replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”

30,000 kms

Arivukanru wants to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms.

Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off.

The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly. Arivukanru liked the idea.

A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car.
Arivukanru replied, Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!

zebra

A donkey kicked Arivukanru and run away.
Arivukanru run after donkey and found zebra.
Now Arivukanru told " why are you hiding in track suite."

Trichy

Arivukanru and kutty are waiting at a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door.

kutty leans inside and asks the driver, “Will this bus take me to Trichy?”

The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m Sorry.”

At this Arivukanru leans inside, smiles and twitters, “Will it take ME,plzzz?”

Rocks

Arivukanru is driving down a road and sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”

A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.

When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.

“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “
“Now where is my watch?”.

seven

Teacher to Arivukanru: What is Number “Seven” , Even or Odd?
Arivukanru: Even
Teacher: How can you make seven even?
Arivukanru:Remove the ‘S’!!

preacher

Once Arivukanru was coming out of church, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed Arivukanru's hand and pulled him aside.

Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Arivukanru said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."

worms

Arivukanru kutty was in science class. the professor was conducting an experiment to show the dangers of liquor. he had one glass of water and one glass of wine. so the professor starts the experiment and he sticks one worm in the water.. and its floating and looks happy. he sticks the other worm in the wine and it looks like it is struggling to breathe and then it sinks to the bottom and it is dead. so the professor asks" what was this suppose to teach you children" no one raises their hand to answer but our Arivukanru kutty raises his hand and says "drink liquor and you wont get worms"

started

Arivukanru comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, Arivukanru says, "Get me another beer before it starts."
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
Arivukanru finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."
The wife is furious.
She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..."
Arivukanru sighs and says, "It's started ..."

Engineering

Arivukanru kutty joined in Engineering:
He fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

Orbit

Once a scientist questioned Arivukanru....

"Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?"

Arivukanru replied "He got stuck in Orbit!"

mercury

Arivukanru: I was at a party on Mercury last night.

Friend: Was it any good?

Arivukanru: No! It was really boring.

Friend: How come?

Arivukanru: There was no atmosphere.

---

first husband

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to Arivukanru kneeling at a grave.
Arivukanru seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner Arivukanru took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

3 sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly father (Arivukanru). The first said, "I built a big house for our father." The second said, "I sent him a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how dad enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know he can't see very well. So I sent him a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Daddy just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Arivukanru sent out his letters of thanks: "Jack," he wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"John," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," he wrote to his third son, "You have the good sense to know what your father likes. The chicken was delicious."

time

Whenever Arivukanru looks a teen girl, he'll fell with love...
Arivukanru also likes it....
Question:
Why does Arivukanru like "love at first sight"?
It saves him lot of time.

name

A man was invited for dinner at his friend's (Arivukanru) house.
Every time the host Arivukanru needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
His friend looked at Arivukanru and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."
The host Arivukanru said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

Siutcases

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband Arivukanru pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
Arivukanru responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

village inn

On a pleasant Sunday afternoon Arivukanru and his youngest son kutty were seated in the village inn. The father had partaken liberally of the home-brewed beer, and was warning his son against the evils of intemperance. "Never drink too much, my son. A gentleman stops when he has enough. To be drunk is a disgrace."

"Yes, Father, but how can I tell when I have enough or am drunk?"

Arivukanru pointed with his finger. "Do you see those two men sitting in the corner? If you see four men there, you would be drunk."

Kutty looked long and earnestly. "Yes, Father, but—but—there is only one man in that corner.

Terrace!!!

Once Arivukanru called a guy to dig well in his house.
The Guy check all over the house & told Arivukanru "in your ground there is no water resource so I cannot dig a well" .
Arivukanru replied "No problem if it is not in my ground it should be in the terrace".

Electric car

Arivukanru invented a car that can run in electricity with out the need for gas (petrol).
He started bragging to everybody that his car can run up to 1000 meters in electricity.
Arivukanru friend asked him why the car can’t go further.
Arivukanru replied "Where can I find that much lengthy wire to plug in at home & take the car anywhere I want to?"

Boat

Once Arivukanru went for an interview in the Navy.
Interviewer: Do you know how to swim?
Arivukanru: Why, don't you have boats in the Navy?

Mother tongue

One day Arivukanru's little son was filling up an application and asked Arivukanru what to write in the "Mother Tongue:" field.
Arivukanru simply said 'write approximately 6cm'

letter

Arivukanru wrote letter to his friend it goes like this:
Dear friend I am in well I hope you are also in well ..........

747

Arivukanru going to airport with his friend for the first time...

Arivukanru : What is that flight, taking off?
Friend: Goeing 747

The next day he went with his another friend and saw the same flight landing... then says to his friend....

"I know the name of the flight... 'coming' 747!"